It’s My Fault

8 Dec

It really pains me to admit this but I feel like I have to. With recent revelations I have found out that my daughter is allergic to milk and gluten, and with these revelations I am certain that this whole horrible fiasco is my fault. 100% my fault and my husband should stop taking some of the blame-that’s how awesome he truly is-. By blame and fault I mean I totally over loaded my daughter’s digestive system with gluten and milk. Back when my daughter was 1 and just starting to drink milk and eat solidish foods we were more broke than we are now. Soon I will post about the whole accident/fight break up but right now it’s about me.

We had gotten cut off from food stamps because the eligibility worker lied and said we could qualify with my husband being on worker’s comp. This was helpful because worker’s comp went to rent and bills and food stamps fed us along with W.I.C. Well one day we were suddenly cut off from foods stamps because worker’s comp. was too much money. This lead to a HUGE fiasco with social services which is still being dealt with-the eligibility worker, his supervisor and state of California let us apply and gave written word that it was okay to get food stamps.-We were now on $2,1000 a month from worker’s comp with rent being $1,400 and dealing with bills and feeding 5 people. FOOD WAS TIGHT!

It was this time that I was giving my daughter Cheerios and milk, it was what W.I.C offered and what we had. I would constantly give my daughter Cheerios, handfuls at a time. I’d give her Cheerios and she’d always ask for more-I figured why not? They’re whole grains,it’s not junk food-.

When I breast feed my daughter she would eat A LOT! Like 12 and more times a day.-which is the norm for some babies-So when she would want more milk I would give it to her and she was always saying she wanted more. Milk, Cheerios, food I felt SOOOOOOOOO bad because we did not have to the food to go around 5 ways, Cheerios and milk were there.  A 1-2 year old should drink 16-24oz of milk a day. My daughter was around 40! 40 f*n oz!-my husband should/will no long have to say it was both of us when it was only me-I know that is horrible, this decision lead to my daughter having failure to thrive.

Out of all this horribleness I have found out that I have Celiac’s Disease, and passed it down to my daughter-which i only made worst-. All I can say is that no one should have to go through what our family has gone through-in many ways-.Yes we were poor-and still are-,but I am also lazy.-I’m not religious at all but I think one of those 7 deadly sins was about not being like a sloth, those animals that are really lazy.All I’m saying is look what it lead to!-I still can be lazy, but I work on forcing myself to do extra things everyday. Once again I know how horrible this sounds but you try growing up with a crack addicted mom and alcoholic dad-who’s totally gay!-and you tell me how you turn out! In fact let’s swap stories! It is the hardest thing in the world to get up and do things day in and day out, I admire those people. My husband is like that, that’s also why it sucks to be in this situation.

So here I am doing something everyday; cleaning, teaching my daughter, cooking, writing.-right? I know that’s nothing at all compared to what most people can do in a day-I think about how I never had to do anything ever-I did but I could always get out of it-. When you a kid and you’re poor, most of the time people don’t care if you come or go. When you’re married and there’s mouths to feed and constant cleaning to do, it’s a lot different. I get how people can flip out and get unhappy from the pressure. The trick is to realize when you’ve made a mistake and fix it. That’s it…. it’s not anyone else’s fault but your own. Just like me in my situation. Sure it turns out that my daughter has Celiac’s, but she could have been able to tolerate milk. It’s my fault and I feel way less guilty now, on the other hand I know why feel guilty and get off my lazy ass!





One Response to “It’s My Fault”

  1. Anonymous January 4, 2013 at 6:08 pm #

    You have a awesome blog over here. I just wanna thank you for all the interesting stuff on it. I’ll follow your website if you keep up the good work!

Leave your thoughts, comments and rants...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: