In the begining….. Part 1

30 Jun

I never wanted children as far back as I can remember. It always seemed like a hassle and stress with no fun.(2/3 anyone?) I’ve always been a floater never really caring about anything because there was no reason to.  To think of it, the 1st thing I ever cared about and not just another one of my short term obsessions, was food. I remember the Discovery Channel had a show where they would tour hotels around the world, they’d do a segment where the hotel chefs would cook a meal.  I remember thinking,

Do you eat that sauce on the plate? Why do they put sauce on the plate? I want to eat that sauce. I remember running(walking fast paced) to get home and catch it before it went off.

Growing up and up to a certain point it was my mom and I. My diet as a young one was Hamburger

Helper, Rice a Roni along with many others in boxes. LOTS of fast food thanks in part to my mother’s drug addiction.(another story, another time) and of course the Big Sunday night meal of Soul/Southern food (however you want to look at it) along with all the snacks you can think of in between.  I never really ate breakfast and still don’t. Eating(for me) first thing in the morn is like a death sentence, acidity hurts my stomach and a bowl of cereal makes me feel nauseous. I eventually learned that bacon and a pop tart or bacon and a handful or two of cereal or just bacon would leave my stomach mellow.(to my credit for breakfast I had potatoes-new stomach mellowness-cooked in bacon grease, yah I’m going out young)(BTW I totally believe in getting rid of Breakfast and replacing it with Brunch!!!!)

In Jr. high my walk to school took 50mins. In order to catch the bus I would have to get up earlier; walk 20mins to the bus stop, then be at school when I didn’t have to be there, so walking was not that bad.  Especially because I could take a couple of hits off my mom’s or her boyfriend’s joints and especially because I would pass by 7/11 on my way to school.  Weapons of choice were, chilli+cheese nachos w/ the works, if it was the right time of year(or life) a big banana Slurpee and a Raven(for you not in the know Raven was a 90’s candy of pure pastel sugar in a tube, the uber being black) My mornings when ever applicable were of weed, nachos, slurp and candy.(Did I mention the BACON?) I’m sure all of you remember Jr. high,(how could you not)  no body really eats the food just fries, pizza and the crap that they make that’s crappier than the crap you can get in the free world(7/11) Lunch time was filled with chips, candy and Mountain Dew(because it used to lower sperm counts it was considered a girls only drink)on top of whatever i had eaten in the morning. When I look back at pics I see myself having a little chub nothing major, always been tall and skinny plus I had friends my height and taller and I was the stick.(even though I didn’t feel it)

Around 9th grade is the 1st time my side hurt. Ever since I started my rag in Jr high I had horrible debilitating cramps, many times I had to leave school because of it.(when they were gone it became awesome) When I would pre-start my rag my side would hurt horribly, when I was on my rag I would hurt so bad that I’d want to stick my hand in my body to rip it out the pain out. Then the after a couple of rounds the pain would switch sides and, there’d be the times I started my rag when I would just have the horrible cramps. (simple fix with naproxen or ibuprofen) I’d tell my mom about my period pain and she’d tell me to take an ib or naproxen she would tell me that the pain is psychosomatic. This went on for a while I believed it; telling myself that the pain was not intense, all this was normal, the lumps I would feel of my sides were weren’t real. This went on for a year(left,left,right,nothing glorious nothing) telling the doctors everything and them and they telling me it was psychosomatic.(Hmmmm)  It’s really sad because I know I am not the first or only person to experience this. I always think about telling my mom that my belly button would hurt or my heel hurting after a long day of playing, I could never fucking breathe after running and my heart would hurt.(still does)  I’m glad now with the internet people get information and push issues with their Dr’s and get the chance to be psychosomatic. Because when you’re a psycho, it doesn’t make it real.



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